Let us denounce sexual violence against women and girls
Emma Kanana Mugaa
One of the things I looked forward to during my internship days at Association of Media Women in Kenya is the sweet mug of milk tea and the bread toast. Are we going to ignore the fact that food is a whole love language and no one talks about it? Other than that, 5-oclocks were very important because they meant leaving the office after a long day of being productive and giving the world your best. We all crave a good shower, a homemade meal, the little warm hugs from our human and animal babies and cuddles for those of us who are lucky enough to have these “sons of Pharaoh” or “daughters of Jezebel” as you have all chosen to call them especially for the residents of the infamous Kanairo (Nairobi). I’m told that Nairobi is one big bedroom, but that is a story for another day.
So, there is this Friday evening that I leave the office in high moods and all is set for the weekend. From Mbagathi, it was obvious I would catch a bus from Madaraka stage to Rongai. Most of the time, the PSVs are fully from town and this prompted private car owners and cab operators to encroach to the mamatu business. A private car pulls up and I struggle to secure myself a seat. Having learnt a skill or two, I manage to grab the middle seat at the bark. A soft whistle comes out of my lips, involuntarily. Waiting on any of Ongata Rongai pick-up stages for less than half an hour is a blessing if not a miracle.
From nowhere, I realize that everybody else that boarded the car is a man and I am the only lady. The driver is a man too. I am seated between two men who are conversing in deep dholuo and giggling from time to time. The driver and the passenger in front are silent but throw a few to each Swahili words once in a while about the hard economic times and a government that has failed its citizens. I reflect on the day’s work at the office. I had made a few posters to help seek justice for Velvine Nungari Kinyanjui who is suspected to have been raped and murdered by her alleged boyfriend in Nairobi. I remembered one of my mentees from one of the informal settlements in Nairobi who was also raped and impregnated by an uncle.
At that time, social media was all heated up with bitter exchange of words following Velvine’s case, some in her defence others for the boy child. It was a gender war with the men claiming that women spend their money and turn down sexual requests, and demands and any girl who does that deserves the worst. I recall freezing with fear and panic and my anxiety suddenly kicked in. I texted my “son of Pharaoh” to let him know the number plate of the car and I was the only lady, therefore, scared to death. Secretly, I was hoping he wouldn’t text me back in their defence like most of them on social media. I mean, if trusted people like boyfriends and uncles can do it, what about strangers that we know nothing about?
Everyday women are raped by relatives, friends and colleagues and most times, blamed and shamed. Rape and other crimes against women have been made about us to a point that we cannot even talk, report or seek help. Everyone is teaching us how to avoid rape and defend ourselves against rapists, but no one is teaching men not rape. Safe spaces are not safe anymore. They have become platforms for victim blaming and survivor shaming. Men are fiercely defending rapists and trashing women on social media. Women are afraid of calling out perpetrators and rape apologists because of the trolling and insults that follow. Trying to seek justice for Velvine saw many of us earn offensive titles like malaya and side hens. We are comfortably becoming rape apologists, but when we are affected, we draw the line.
Come on people, we can do better. A simple no means a no. It does not matter how it is said, where and what or who is involved. Stop interpreting dress codes. Let people dress in what they feel good in and walk around with confidence. The best you can do is correct politely and with love. These women are our sisters, wives, daughters, aunts, mothers, in-laws, name them! We are destroying our own future. We are making the world a worse place every day. We are losing our humanity.
Okay, enough of the rant. The following are some of the common truths about rape, defilement or incest that we should all be aware of:
- Rape is not about the survivor, it is about the rapist. No, she did not invite the act; the offender decided to.
- A majority of rapes, defilements and incest are committed by people known to the victim. Stop telling us not to trust strangers. Just because I don’t know you also, doesn’t mean you should rape me.
- What women wear is not to blame. The rapist is. The victim’s behavior or clothing choices do not mean that they are consenting to sexual activity.
- Alcohol and drugs can never be an excuse to justify rape, defilement and incest. Stop it.
- Sex without consent is rape. It is as simple as that.
Back to my trip. I was happy to arrive in Rongai. I alighted with one of the guys and triggered a conversation with him to express my fears. I explained how mad I was at sons of Pharaoh. He smiled and answered “I am personally committed to defend the truth and call out sexual harassment on any platforms regardless of who is involved. Not all of us are Pharaoh’s sons. The same way all of you are not daughters of Jezebel. We have sons and daughters of Jacob and Esther.” I wowed. The boy child is an ally on the journey against rape and other forms of sexual harassment and together we can bring the change we want to see.
